Food: The Long Goodbye

A year ago I entered a bariatric program and now my surgery is 2 weeks away. They didn’t ask much of me:  lose 15 lbs and exercise. But my hips were my obstacles and were replaced with friendlier parts in July and November. I now walk on two legs, not four, or even three. I use my treadmill and recumbent bike, often smiling as I do. I remember the pain, the dysfunction. God, this is victory! What remains of healing I can live with!

Enter food nostalgia. I heard the term, “The Long Goodbye”. The temptation to eat your way up to surgery by having all the foods you love. I’ve been battling this urge. I lose sometimes, but not most of the time.  Key to my progress is staying out of my self-sabotage tool chest for permission to indulge at will. That’s what all of this is about. Calling out self-sabotage.  Seeing it for what it really is.  Wanting better for myself. And forgiving myself when I fall.  Sounds simple enough but this is a common struggle among the obese.

Bariatric-speak words “journey” and “tool” pepper my landscape. Appointments. Study. Tiny changes here, there. Online support groups. Podcasts. All of it converges to the present. My surgery is scheduled. It won’t be long now. Going from a whole stomach to a part of a stomach. The drama. This stuff is life changing. I cling to the idea that the changes will be good.

And food will be back.  We will have an awkward relationship at first. We cannot, however, be our former selves. We must court a while before we remarry. No sense kicking food to the curb only to pick up where we left off. Food and I must treat each other better the second time around.

 

 

8 thoughts on “Food: The Long Goodbye

  1. Oh Ethel, I’m so excited for you! That is wonderful news that your surgery is so soon! You have the perfect attitude for success!!! God bless and keep being strong!!!

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  2. I love your writing, so much and the food relationship part that I promptly went and bought a maple bar today! Now I am laughing out loud! But…….I put it back! I went to pick up some lemon treats for Dad and there they were, smelling oh so fresh and glazed that I really had the darn thing in the bag! Then the guilt set in, accountability set in, and the fact that I do love to comfort eat! Thanks for sharing and giving me “food for thought!” See!!!! Everything relates to food! I’m going to eat my apple now.

    Liked by 1 person

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