She is Him – This Mother’s Child

My third child was born into a female body. She was a girl, a curvy woman, my daughter. Tomboy? Yes, but a girl nonetheless. She was born into a time when women could be more:  More assertive, more physical, more bold. And women could be less: Less feminine. Less dependent. Less docile.  And I thought that was enough.

She was midway into her 20s before she shared with us that she was lesbian. The news was not hard. The few tears shed were those of sadness for any pain she suffered in delaying the news. She met and later married a wonderful young woman who we love as our own. They compliment each other beautifully.

Several months back we learned she is trans gendered.  I won’t lie, the news was hard. Could this be true? Could my daughter actually be a boy? What is the difference between being, say, a “butch lesbian”, and being trans gendered?  Fear gripped my throat. She is my little girl! Can a mother bury her daughter only to give birth to her again as a him? Is it possible to relearn everything you know about a loved one?

The data I read and hear lays flat. I have no feel for what I am taking in.  It is foreign. Cisgender. Binary. Preposition of Choice. They and Them. It is a slow learning curve.

Will this ever become rote?

Note: This post is published with my child’s permission.  Use of strikethrough serves as a “visual aid” in helping me to recognize the frequency that gender preposition is used in my everyday thought and language.

Photo Sony Reproductive System by John Watson

9 thoughts on “She is Him – This Mother’s Child

  1. I too struggle with this process and I can’t imagine what you are going through but I know with all my heart how much you love your family. This is a wonderful learning journey and to quote the brilliant author Lyn Manual, “is love is love is love is love.”❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Once again, thank you, Pam. This transition will reach each of us in the family. It is worth the effort to learn and examine and grow together!


  2. What a moving post Ethel.
    My only son, born after four daughters, announced he was Gay when he was sixteen. I was heart broken and I handled it badly. I began to grieve for the boy I thought I’d lost. To everyone else it had been obvious since he was a small child, but not to me, I saw what I wanted to see. The realisation that my boy, my son was still there was slow to come. Today I wouldn’t change him for the world. You were so understanding and accepting Ethel, I wish I’d been more like you. I wish you well in coming to terms with this latest news. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nan, my brother’s son is gay. His coming out (over 30???) was a shock to my brother. I was stunned that he was surprised at all. As you said, we see what we want to see.

      It was because of other struggles that Jordan had throughout her teen and young adult years that I took the “gay” news without cause. Context is everything sometimes. Now I see my child married and it is good and appropriate. I have had to examine and reexamine the truths that I’ve operated under – many without conscious thought. Don’t let my brief written form serve to deny that we have held many, many discussion, Jordan and I, and that I am but newly planted on this journey.

      This transition is hard for her, hard for her wife. She is in quite a bit of emotional pain. Any mother hates to see her child suffer. I am not more gifted that other mothers, believe me. I stumble and stammer and hope to deflect my shortcomings. We are all vulnerable.

      I am so happy that you and your son have a great relationship today and that he can live as himself! As always, thanks for your support, Sue!

      Liked by 1 person

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